Losing weight is hard.
Losing weight is even harder when you’re surrounded by unsupportive family, friends, and co-workers.
You’d think everyone around you and everyone that cares about you would be pumped you’re making healthy changes. Eating better. Exercising more.
I mean you’re still you, just a happier healthier you right? Why would what you’re eating strain your relationships with friends and family?
Many times, most times maybe, you’ll be met with resistance, lack of support, and even subtle or not so subtle undermining.
All this can make it really, really hard to stick to your long term weight loss and healthy living goals.
Why does this happen?
Each person is different or course, and most people are undermining your weight loss efforts unintentionally, but there are some common themes among fitness sabotagers.
1. They don’t understand.
Your grandma probably falls under this category. Why are you choosing to not eat her famous fried chicken? Are you mad at her? Are you sick?
Or that coworker that keeps wanting to treat you to lunch or doughnuts. Why don’t you want to ‘treat’ yourself to a doughnut every day at work, that’s weird.
They simply don’t get it.
2. They miss the ‘old’ you.
They miss the you that was always down to eat greasy pizza or go out drinking. Maybe they miss the experiences you shared that revolved around food. They miss you being the go to friend for burgers and fries.
3. They feel guilty.
They feel guilty watching you eat a salad while eating a burger and fries. They feel guilty they skipped their workout for the third time this week and you went home early to make sure yours gets done.
They feel guilty they aren’t making their health a priority and you are. You making your weight and health a top concern makes their nonexistent efforts to make healthier choices even more obvious.
Instead of making changes themselves, because heck yea change is hard, they try to get you to behave how they are so they don’t have to feel bad about their choices.
It’s way easier for them to say, ‘Oh you’re fine. This pizza won’t hurt. You deserve it,” than it is for them to make a healthier choice.
And once you ‘fail’ that proves that nobody can be healthy anyway so why should they even try.
You are not alone. Lack of support is prevalent in overweight and obese women and most people report they rarely or NEVER receive support from loved ones.
That’s pretty crappy in my opinion.
And sabotage from others comes in many forms…
Refusing to hang out with you because they don’t want to ‘have to’ eat healthy.
Bringing you food to eat that you are actively trying to avoid for now.
Eating trigger foods in front of you.
Complaining about how ‘annoying’ ‘inconvenient’ you’re healthy eating and exercise habits are to them.
Encouraging you to eat foods that don’t fit in with your goals.
Telling you how yummy something they are eating is and asking if you’re sure you don’t want a bite.
Making fun of you for choosing a healthier option, prioritizing sleep, and getting in workouts.
Comments that imply you’re lame, boring, or less fun to be around just because you’re choosing to make healthier food choices.
If you’re dieting, if you’re trying to lose weight, or if you’re trying to live a bit healthier you’ve encountered this and I bet a few specific people popped into your head when you were reading that.
So, what can you do?
First, remember it really doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s all about them and what’s going on on their side. Never think it’s your fault, because it isn’t.
A study from North Carolina State University (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/02/170202141843.htm) highlighted this exact obstacle to weight loss and living a healthy life, and through the course of the study they looked at strategies people used to navigate diet sabotagers and unsupportive friends, family, and coworkers.
The participants in the study used specific strategies to help find a way to keep sabotagers in their life AND stick to their healthy living goals.
The participants that successfully stuck to their goals helped others feel more comfortable with their choice to NOT make their health and fitness a priority. And the participants helped those around them not feel discomfort about their new lifestyle changes.
Some of these methods seem pretty healthy and awesome, while others, well it’s pretty disappointing that people wanting to get healthy have to resort to them.
These are classified by me personally and my experience as someone who has dieted to lose weight, and as a personal trainer who helps others with health, fitness, and weight loss.
A few methods that seem pretty positive to me are:
- Letting the people around you know WHY you are getting healthy, losing weight, and making changes.
- Letting those around you know that you are not judging their choices.
- Suggesting walks to socialize rather than everything revolving around food.
- Letting others know you don’t expect them to eat the same way you are.
- Speak assertively when nagged, saying “It’s my decision.”
A few methods that seem not as positive are
- Accepting food, but not eating it. Taking the cookie from Doris at the office, thanking her, and then tossing it later.
- Claiming to have food allergies or saying a food upsets your stomach, as an excuse to turn food down.
A few methods were kind of neutral and they are
- Saving a ‘cheat day’ so you can eat like the rest of the group.
- Eating not so goal friendly foods in social situations but in smaller portions.
- Eating less before and after an event to be able to overeat to ‘fit in.’
- Avoiding social situations that involve food.
- Saying no thank you, I’m not hungry.
Okay the positives, I feel like these are self explanatory, letting people know why you are making a change, and letting them know you aren’t going to turn into a judgy jerk is for sure going to help people understand your motivations, and help them feel less uncomfortable around you.
The not so positive. I am not saying these don’t work and you shouldn’t use them. I feel like they aren’t so positive because you shouldn’t HAVE to lie to the people that care about you. And even people that don’t really care, like coworkers. People should have enough respect to be okay with you saying no thank you.
But that isn’t the world we live in, so these methods probably do work quite well. So if you need to, I’d say whip ‘em out when needed.
The neutral.
These are a normal part of living a healthy, lean, and fit life. Planning ahead for events by focusing on eating mostly fruits, veggies, and lean protein before a party isn’t good or bad, it’s planning ahead and thinking about how you can stick to your goals and still live life. Same with eating smaller portions of certain types of foods. Portion control will ALWAYS be something that needs to be focused on when losing weight and then maintaining that weight loss.
As for the cheat day, I’m not a huge fan of the term. I used to be neutral on it, but I’ve learned more and I’ve learned the words we use matter. Cheat day makes it seem like you’re being bad and you aren’t. Thinking of it as a planned higher calorie meal that you know isn’t goal friendly but you’re okay with, yea, that has a different vibe. Right? This goes back to planning ahead. Know you have a birthday party on Saturday and you know you’d like to eat some cake? Cool. You decide to not go out Thursday for wings and beer because you know Saturday is coming up. Normal part of living a lean, fit, and healthy life.
Saying no thank you, I’m not hungry. I was a bit iffy on this one. It sucks to have to lie, but this isn’t so huge, and typically when we are offered food, we aren’t truly hungry anyway.
And last but not least, avoiding situations because they revolve around food. This can be taken to the extreme and become unhealthy but if you skip out on a buffet based meet up, that isn’t really negative, and there is nothing wrong with saying, No thanks, not for me right now.
Another method that can work is letting people know exactly how they can help you. Trust me, they have no idea what to do to help.
When I was dieting and my Grandma was in the I don’t understand camp, I asked if we could have chicken and baked potatoes for supper instead of noodles. Or at least could I have that. I let her know exactly what would help. She was just as happy cooking me chicken and a baked potato as she would have been cooking me noodles.
Let people know specifically what they can do. Would it help if your mum asked you what you’re bringing to eat so you don’t feel weird bringing your own food to her house? Let her know.
Would it help if your husband didn’t bring you chocolate home from the store? Tell him.
Would it help if your best friend was okay with you calling her to vent, or going on walks with you? Ask her.
Let people know how they can help you and let them know what isn’t helping. If they offer you pizza or say it won’t hurt, tell them “This makes it very hard to stick to my goals and it isn’t helping me.” Or something as simple “This isn’t helpful to me.” or “Why is it so important to you that I eat this?” and it will either get them to stop, or open the floor for some great discussion.
There will always be someone making it harder for you to reach your goals. Figuring out how to navigate around those types of people will be key to losing weight long and keeping it off long term.
Change is always met with resistance, it isn’t you, it’s them. The only thing you can control is yourself and how you handle the situation.